Healing: Become Undone

• // This weekend was one year since I had lost my dad to addiction. I thought there was no more fitting blog to write, than to honor the changes that have been a part of my growth journey as a result. This is a hodge-podge post, but so are our lives, randomly assorted but so intentionally crafted. This last year has been transformative, I pray that your year was also shaping.

• // This year, I had to realize that I never really lost my dad to addiction, that implies somehow, Christ's ability to overcome does not scale the edges of my life. Our "victory" is not always in an expected outcome. A year ago, I thought that deliverance meant recovery, but only my way. In retrospect, I see my dad's healing in an eternity that can only restore freedom to a prison that captured him on earth. We need to have a faith that asks more of our heavenly Father, but also believes that from His name could only come freedom, unity, and restoration.

• // Shame. I will admit that I felt shame. I felt shameful telling my story, revealing to my safe people exactly what was hard in my life. I heard someone say the best thing. I had to keep telling my story until I ran out of shame, until there was no shame left inside of me, because shame cannot stay alive in public. Might I say, shame was a weapon made by the enemy to tell us that we somehow should not have confidence in the life we lead, or that our journey is not important, or even that there is no reclamation allowed to things given by God but twisted through the world. Speak until you run out of shame, we are not made to carry that around.

• // Faith the size of a mustard seed moves mountains. Faith is confidence and confidence means that doubt cannot plant. Whether we carry a lot of confidence or a little confidence, uncertainty cannot coexist. Our words to the Lord are heard. Bring everything to Him. Bring the excitement of a new job and the hurt of losing an animal. Your words are never beside the point to Jesus. Believe that what you say is brought into the kingdom of Heaven.

• // Prioritize family. Take time sitting around the table eating. Call your parents or kids. Text them randomly. Make dates with them. Family is just a blessing. 

• // God is only good. I over-analyze most things, and as I decided on the character of God, not seeing the deliverance that I expected, I kept hitting a wall that could only recognize Jesus as good. I wanted to be angry with God and believe that He did not keep His promises, but my experience was that He continued to bless me with more family, opportunity, and kindness. These moments felt almost like they could not run out. When I understood that only goodness could come from the Father, I discovered that I could not count high enough to note every good thing in my life. 

• // Healing is something that I do not believe we could ever see the end of, in this life. We have to spend our lives becoming undone, because it is our unwinding that makes us more like Him. When we are undone, He can pull us back together in the exact pattern that we need to be. We spend our lives becoming a more perfected creation until our last breath when He molds us into the exact version of ourselves that He always intended.

Claim Your Royalty

• // The knowledge of the century is that adults today face an identity crisis, REGULARLY. Who has not done it? We log onto our Instagram or Facebook and find the wealth of comparison that thrives on these platforms. In the same way that social media can act as a tool to develop and encourage individuals to step into a greater potential, this outlet can easily be misconstrued as a hole filled with doubt, never enough-ness, and self-scrutiny.

• // You feel under-educated, under-qualified, and quite frankly under some serious pressure to finally measure up, ironically. Sometimes, I find myself stalking the very people that make me feel insecure about who I am to fill this absurd, self-satisfying urge to discover how I am not making the mark, just so that I can do the opposite, believing I will become more like them. Here's the problem, nothing about this is truly transformative. The temporary fix that comes from trying to mimic the unique traits of someone else, wears off in the tiredness of keeping up an image, and soon there after, true personality returns. This trend cycles and recycles every time we come face to face again, with the very thing that breeds our insecurity.

• // The beauty of Jesus is that He is the only truly transformative power that exists on this earth. I struggled writing this piece because I found myself in the thick of attempting to claim my identity. Earlier in the year, I spoke about identity at an event and found a new discovery that is told throughout scripture. Your identity is not that you are a good leader or singer, because those are all things that can honestly change as your life unfolds. No identity thief can steal your citizenship in Heaven, and still, no identity thief can steal your Father, the maker of the universe, from you. There is no Instagram post, job loss, disappointment, failure, or changing of careers that can change the core of your being, a child of the one true king; this is your defining characteristic.

• // I found that as I started praying John 3:30 over my life, "He must increase; I must decrease," I have started to begin a journey into loving the life Jesus created for me, while seeking His purpose over where I am supposed to be. In the same breath of speaking this verse over my life, I found that my best self was being accomplished in this season because I started living in exactly what set me apart. I may not be someone who can naturally look for the needs of someone in the room or search out the specific ways that someone may need encouragement, but I have God-given tendencies and gifts. I have found that once we live in the fullness of who God designed us to be, we step into the ministry that God has set before us. As a reminder, Jesus can always develop the things that we are not gifted with, but it does not cheapen the value in our specific skill-set. If you are gifted with confidence, walk in confidence about God's promise when others are not. If you are gifted with encouragement, speak over the ways that other's are living out God's design, even when they may not believe it. Who you are is beautiful, and your royalty in Heaven gives you immeasurably more authority on this Earth in Jesus' name to speak truth, walk in love, and forgive other people. Claim your royalty, abide in your royalty.

Let Go, Live Well

• // Forgiveness is a "Christian-ese" word, and more often than not, is only talked about at the end of resolution. Forgiveness is always a story that is told from a place of finishing, rather than practicing. Since my junior year of high school, Jesus has really reworked my concept of forgiveness and my ability to exercise it. First, several points need to be mentioned. Such an incredible quote that was mentioned to me is this: "We are not an advertisement of Jesus; we're supposed to be evidence." Remember, forgiveness, or what I view as the greatest act of love, is the most powerful testament to the redemptive powers of Christ. 

• // My prayer is that you would find comfort in knowing that forgiveness is a process. There is rarely an "arrival moment" that forgiveness is achieved suddenly; instead, forgiveness looks a lot more like a gradual change in heart. One day, you will look back and remind yourself that the intense anger or pain that you once felt, creeps a little less over your shoulder, until it exists no longer in the hiding place of your heart. What does forgiveness look like? I asked my youth pastor this question several years ago, to which he explained that some days will wreck your mind to feel only the pain, yet you speak forgiveness over that person or thing until your spirit has reached that place. Truly, I have noticed that forgiveness is made up of days that full release happens, while other days, I pray the exact thing over again, hoping to grapple at the same peace I felt before. I know it seems silly, but some days are better than others, and we have to be okay with that. 

• // Sometimes forgiveness does mean that a conversation needs to happen with that person. If that is the case, please do not make your forgiveness contingent upon their response, this is a set up for disappointment. The proper response does not need to be given or you will hold yourself in the prison of un-forgiveness, forever. Dale Carnegie teaches an important message that the most effective route of change is not found by seeking to change other people, rather we must change ourselves to really influence the sphere around us. The most impactful change that we can make, is that of ourselves. We can never control another person. In order to make the space a place where forgiveness can live, we cannot wait around for the reaction we were hoping to see from someone, this is not true forgiveness. This concept reminds me of the "square-circle" toddler toys. I am sure you have seen them. The toy is jam-packed with different shapes and blocks to match these shapes; the intention is to teach children how to identity shapes and match them appropriately. Although, I think I have more often seen kids smash the square into the circle and end up frustrated, every time. You might have innocent intentions to teach someone about the depth of hurt they inflicted, but instead you are really making yourself angry by shoving a square into a circle that will never fit. Regardless of someone's "owning" of fault, your forgiveness is still important and valuable.

• // Finally, environments need to be conducive to forgiveness. In my journey of learning forgiveness, I found that some relationships needed space between them, activities needed a pause, and plans were held off, because the atmosphere bred more resentment. I was never able to walk in forgiveness until I had removed myself from an environment that reminded me of pain. Clarity can do so much to aid your forgiveness journey. 

• // Forgiveness can take a day, a year, or even decades. You may lay down a part of hurt and find another place of un-forgiveness that needs to be reworked. Do not give up on it, change will come to your heart as you seek it. Forgiveness is so simple and so hard. Every day you can choose to lay down anger and say that you forgive someone or something; or, you can hold onto it. No person can choose forgiveness for you. Give yourself time for this process, and watch for the way it heals you.  

Mental Health - Anxiety, Depression, OCD, PTSD . . .

• // Anxiety. Generalized Anxiety. Social Anxiety. Depression. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am sure you have heard at least one of these words in your lifetime, and many others of the like. Mental health is a buzz phrase right now, or at least it seems. As a 20-year-old in current society, I have grown up surrounded by these phrases, and I feel so burdened to encourage you and bring up a discussion about these topics, that I believe are so important. 

• // Most often in discussing anything about these topics, I generally hear phrases like, "I have no choice," "I feel out of place," "I do not have confidence," and "I feel crippled when I feel anxious." To be fair, most people that have never suffered from mental health issues like anxiety often say, "They have a choice to be victimized," "They should start realizing nobody fits perfectly anywhere," "They need to get over the anxiety/depression/PTSD/fill in the blank." Truthfully, both sides have a point. To the person who has never suffered from a crippling mental health issue, you have got to understand that these are real, tangible, life-changing problems that live actively within the individual. To the person with a mental health problem, I would agree that you do not have a choice, and in most cases, I find that people with these problems, live their entire life with them. However, you have a choice to never remedy it, or grow beyond it. 

• // We need to elaborate on these sides. If you have never fought a serious mental health issue, stop believing you fully understand the pain and suffering caused by specific disorders. This was me. I found it easy to be irritated or annoyed with someone and their mental health, or lack of it. Often, we are noticed stepping into the role of God, assuming that we understand the profound strength of something like depression. You do not, and you cannot, without some divine insight. Ask for understanding from someone fighting this battle, but do not question with the intention to argue, question with the intention to understand and support. 

• // If you are the fighter, I see that you are at war. Every day is a battle, and some days, the enemy decided against attacking, while others feel like a bloody massacre of your emotions and abilities. You feel drained, derailed, and defined by the mental health problem. I believe that your problem is real and your feelings are valid. I want to remind you, though you feel controlled, you do have a choice to be enslaved forever or seek some freedom. You are not helpless and your life does not and should not stay in a place of imprisonment. I pray that this is encouraging. There is more that you can do.

• // Recently, an article sparked some thought into my head. The article talked about mental health problems and the perspective from the fighter. At one point, it mentioned sicknesses like cancer or individuals with ailments like a broken leg. The post went on to say that we never expect someone with cancer to just "get over it" and move on, or walk around on the broken leg. I agree, we do not. From this same spirit, I want to remind you that we also do not prescribe going home and hoping the bones heal, or relaxing on hard days when the cancer pains us, then getting up and going out when the cancer pains subside.  We use devices like braces and treatments like chemotherapy, in order to take an active stance against the sicknesses that plague us. Otherwise, we would never even have a fighting chance against these horrible things. Eventually, the doctors will tell you to see physical therapy and exercise the thing that was immobilized periodically. The very act of stretching and moving this body part, is the exact thing that heals us further. Sure, we might see some lifelong effects from a treatment like chemotherapy, and the reminder of cancer may never leave us fully, because we have some side effects that stay planted, but we cannot choose to allow these things to eat us up alive, without ever even lifting a finger to shut them out. To avoid remedy, constitutes victimization to an otherwise alleviated problem.   

• // Depression, anxiety, OCD, manic, and others, may be a lifelong battle, but please act. Go to a counselor and search out the remedies. A massively important treatment for anxiety is a mental placement in the "now." Notice what is around you, smell what is around you, feel what is around you. Do not allow the toxic path of worrying about the next thing or the social event, overwhelm your peace. Claim your peace. Perhaps, you fail. But at least you started. Flexibility begins with the decision to experiment and work towards an end, not beginning with the end.  Although, we are generally too impatient to wait for the results, you can build your patience and your tolerance. 

• // Get real with yourself. Mental health problems seem to be this weird space warp, leading you to infer that a problem does not actually exist. In some cases, the problem feels unexplainably confusing. If you suspect that you have a mental health problem, still, see a professional, figure out what is attacking you, to find a weapon against it. Do you know that you have a problem and have downplayed? Again, see a professional. Nobody is outside of seeing a counselor at some point in their life, and everybody should want to work for the best version of themselves. Do not self-medicate; alcohol is not the numbing that you need, prescription medication is not always the drowning help, isolation is not the quick fix, and inspirational quotes are not always a real solution in the long-term, rather, aids to determine the appropriate routines that you must implement for sustainable change and resistance. 

• // I found myself slipping into a low place away from mental health. I thought counseling was only for the weak. I sure was wrong. Counseling allowed me to understand myself in a new way, while giving me words to finally explain what I felt inside of my head. Therapy has given me an outlet to become the best version of myself, in the journey of self-discovery. The hardest part is the phone call, make it. Call a friend to be there with you, have them call for you. Please, call.

• // Be surrounded. You do not have to vent your feelings everywhere, but find a safe group of people that you can go to on the hard days. Everything gets easier when we finally talk about it. You are not weak for talking about your struggles. Let friends prayerfully speak into your life and walk the road with you.

• // Lastly, the best thing that anyone has ever told me about the guidance a professional gave, was that solutions which affect everyone around you are useless and ineffective, rather, seek out the things that give you peace, without compromising all of your friendships and relationships. If your solution to the problem affects the many others that live in your bubble, you have got to change it. 

• // God is still a miracle-working God. Jesus is still currently changing lives and interceding on our behalf. Please, listen to what His word says. Ask, seek, knock, and the door will be opened to you. Give everything up to Him in prayer and petition. Seek first His kingdom, and all things will be added unto you. God can change your circumstances and wipe out the mental health issue that has swarmed you. Some of you, may find His intercession as one that is constant and covering always, because the symptoms persist. Some of you, may find that Jesus heals you instantly, once and for all. However His healing exists in the story of you, it cannot change His goodness or faithfulness. The Lord will never leave you or forsake you.

Social Media Branding

• // This week's post is a little bit different, but I am excited to share the things I have been learning about social media marketing and branding. I have just recently been incorporating these new skills and have already started seeing an increased satisfaction with my overall content and reach.

• // First things first, YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA TELLS A STORY. Whether you are a blogger, business owner, brand strategist, or "regular" person, what you post tells a story about who you are and what your vision/mission is, in turn, impacting your relationships and connections. You have the opportunity to partner and collaborate with so many people, simply by the use of your Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. My year as a Miss America titleholder has taught me so much about this, from building my social impact initiative to developing sponsorships. Tell a story of vulnerable honesty about your values. How?

1. Form your theme. A lot of successful "Instagrammers" and entrepreneurs, have fully tapped into another audience of people through social media by making content that is attractive. Let's be honest, we all have that friend who posts pictures that we just kind of scroll past because we cannot connect, nor is the picture visually appealing. I want to begin by telling you something so simple to change your viewings and following: take clear pictures, find good lighting, angle the focus of the picture in a pleasant positioning. There are tons of videos on Youtube about posing and picture taking, take one week to watch these videos, it makes such an easy fix of your pictures. Notice the pictures underneath this paragraph from the beginning of my year as Miss City of Yuma, before I really learned about social media branding.

• // Sure, you might say these are not terrible pictures; however, nothing about them is really eye catching or interesting. The first picture has a bland background with dull colors and the second picture, although has a potentially interesting background, is too empty to really catch anyone's attention for longer than a scroll past. Now, let's look at the pictures below, towards the beginning of my learning that social media has a process. 

• // These pictures pop on a timeline. Your eye is caught on them, and you stare maybe for a little longer than most other pictures. Here's the key: you do not need bold colors like these for your social media to be noticed, you do however, need a brand that you stick with for the long-term. Perhaps, you keep a black and white theme, or you do choose brighter colors like mine. You can use the colors of your company or organization to theme your social media, or focus on neutral, modern tones like grays and blacks. I think you might be catching on to what I am saying about a theme, it trademarks your mission. This concept is the same as creating a logo for an organization, something to be remembered by and noticed for. Oh, and declutter your pictures, I beg you. Most people fill their pictures with a good focus, but the background is ugly and there are too many distractions. You do not want random water bottles or other peoples random "things" in the background. Make it easy for the audience to focus on the center of the picture.

2. Decide on your content. Do not post about random things just for the sake of having a picture. For instance, a beauty company does not post about hot sauce. In the same way, your mission and only your mission, should be the focus of your social media. Discover your wheelhouse. For my Miss City page, I had to realize what I could post pictures about. Because of the variety within that title, I had a lot of social media freedom, but I still maintained the theme of being a titleholder. For those social media accounts, I had posted content based around Miss Arizona prep, appearances, anything involving the four points of the crown (service, style, success, scholarship), social impact initiative events/planning, introductions of who I am representing the city, and other things of the like. Whatever your social media plan is, you need to hone in on the type of content that you can post from, which will eliminate irrelevant and uninteresting posts for your viewers.

3. LEARN TO EDIT! No, editing does not make you fake, it makes you aware of using your resources. Do not get me wrong, you should not use an editing app to make yourself and your brand unrecognizable outside of social media, but you can enhance the good qualities that already exist within a picture. Editing really can do a lot to make your pictures more appealing. Yes, bring up the contrast in your pictures, use highlights, raise exposure if its too dark, decide on the kind of filters you want to use for your brand and stick to it. In case you have never really experimented with editing, download an editing app and practice bringing up the quality of pictures that you already have; download VSCO, Preview, or Facetune, there are so many apps that exist, find the one that you like the most and keep using it!

4. Be consistent. If you plan on really transforming your social media game, you HAVE to be consistent so that your followers know what they are following. Otherwise, you will lose their interest and compromise your contents' reach. If you have been posting randomly, decide on a schedule and follow it. This could mean posting every other day, 3 times a week, or once every other week. Just decide so that your followers know what to expect. Believe me, I honestly think this is the hardest part and I have been trying to build consistency in social media posts. It takes practice!

5. Last point. Make your social media interactive. I have also been working on this. Allow people the opportunity to connect with you via social media. Ask questions for people to answer. Post polls in your stories. Pull people for their opinions and get your followers invested in what you are doing. Some of the best social media branders are celebrities that have simply opened up their social media to make the audience truly feel like they are along for the Hollywood ride with them, even though they have never actually seen them a day in their life. Again, this is hard. It takes a deeper level of commitment to ask the right questions and put up applicable and interesting information.

• // Do not beat yourself up for not being where you want to be. Like I said, this is a process; I am still learning and am just now applying a lot of these principles. You can do this if you are willing to work at this. Keep researching, keep watching videos and reading books. Follow people on social media that have branded themselves well and learn from them. However, I think social media is such a beautiful tool we have been given to reach even more people. Our ability to communicate and grow has expanded astronomically. Take advantage. You can do it. Do not be afraid to change as you realize what works for you, and when you realize that something you are doing, is not really you. It's cliche, but be true to you and you will attract the audience you are looking for.

Grieving: an ongoing process

• // I write this to you after having previously spent the night overwhelmed by a massive pile of tears. We need to talk about grieving because we need to talk about the many emotions that make you feel so isolated. I hope that I can capture some feelings that you have not quite been able to put into words, I know that it took me some time. The process of grieving seems so irrationally long and confusing. The steps are not a clean five: denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. You will likely feel each one of these emotions, only to step into the next and revisit the last. Some days, you will cry about things you miss so painfully, and you will continue missing it. I need to tell you, this is not written just to the person who has lost someone in death; although, it does best fit that narrative. Every day we earn the chance to gain and lose something valuable to us, perhaps for you it is a person, a job, a relationship, a dream, or the day in and of itself. You can and should grieve the things lost, it will make you healthier. I also need to remind you that you are not alone in this, yes it can feel like you are alone. Looking back in retrospection, most friends were only a phone call away and were ready when I was ready, to talk.

• // My grief was the loss of my dad. I can tell you my journey began in denial. My hands rested numb on the steering wheel, driving from the fire station that my aunt briefed me; I made my way back towards my own home. I am the girl who ignores intense feelings other than joy, until they can finally leave my head. Grieving was the one thing that I could not seem to stuff down, regardless of how hard I packed every emotion in my imaginary disposable jar. Is that you?

• // Please allow some encouraging right now, feel every emotion, in the second that you can. If you are wandering down the grocery aisles to get bread, or you are stopping in the drive-thru for your morning coffee and fight the urge to breakdown, stop fighting and go through the emotions, the barista has seen worse. Cry when you need to cry, laugh when you need to laugh. Drive to their house and sit in their favorite rocking chair, or put just a drop of that cologne they always wore on your wrist. I needed to experience some "lasts" with my dad. I needed to smell his clean clothes one more time before placing them in the bag to be sent over to the thrift store. I needed to see his sloppy handwriting on a bill letter before it was tossed. I needed to see the food from our last meal together before the pan was washed. These landmarks left me something incredibly valuable for the hard days, a recollection of my last, sweet memories.

• // I also needed to live through some "firsts." I needed something to break and remember I could not call him to fix it, this brought a healing to remember everything he did fix. I needed to drive through the town that he passed; I stopped hating its existence and began loving the world that God made. I needed to realize his hurt, it made me kinder to hurting people. Yes, year one is filled with "firsts." I suppose that is why they call it the first year. Embrace them, let them heal you.

• // I suppose I expected to get past the loss after some measurable amount of time. I did not, and I still have not. I am realizing that I never really will and that is okay. The person who made you laugh, smile, cry, and hurt (as all people do because we are everything but perfect), deserves to be remembered. The grieving never exactly stops, or at least I have not found it too, but I am new to this thing after all. The grieving simply changes. Hard days never fully go away, but they become far less frequent and it feels possible to be happy again. Unbelievably intense sadness evolves into a far less familiar emotion once you begin to appreciate life after this person. Yes, you can enjoy life again and you deserve this, too. I noticed very quickly that life does not just stop moving forward because someone else did not continue the race with life, but in the days that you just want life to slow down and show mercy, you will build resilience. Do not shunt out excitement or joy, because you need to experience that again as well. The agony of losing someone will eventually leave you with the option to find gratitude in the time spent, or misery in the time to come, try to avoid selecting the latter.

• // Remember, people are just a phone call away. Use your tribe. Find your people. You are not alone is having lost someone or something. We make it through life together and it really does help to express your feelings out loud. Journal some thoughts, leave a last voicemail for someone, write a letter to their mailbox, draw some pictures, and listen to the songs that remind you of them. Do not stay stuck in the past, but remember with reverence, the person that impacted your life and be excited to continue life with the wisdom that they gave you. You are resilient, keep pressing on, and stop when you need some rest. "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ." Phillipians 4:7

Do you know what you want to be when you grow up? I sure don't . . .

• // I know. You feel like a failure because you may have decided on a major and thought it was your life calling. Some of you, like me, prayed fervently about your future and believed you settled into God's exact mission for your life. Then, everything changed. You felt uncertain about your degree, your current employment, and your trajectory. I wish I could write this to you as the person that dropped out of nursing school and became a successful entrepreneur that followed their dreams. However, I am not. I left nursing school when I realized it was not the fit for me, and I still feel a little lost about what is next for my life.

• // Let me tell you, you have not failed, and you have come no where close to failing. I spent months just hoping to believe this. Sure, you may experience some negative repercussions for your decision to change the plan of your future, but if you hate what you do; eventually, you will change careers regardless of how hard you fought to stay in the field, or - you will be miserable your entire professional life. I am not discrediting that finding a job is important, employment is necessary, but I need to address a much bigger heart problem.

• // I know this: I love speaking, I love influencing, and I love connecting with people. Some of my friends have jokingly said that I just want to be famous, which in some moments may be true. But, I do not necessarily care about fame, I desire being a person that can be impactful in one's life because I care enough to listen and support them, while also using my own experience's to help. I have no idea how this translates to a career besides possibly counseling, but the point of this is that a lot of you, see the world how I do. You want to do something meaningful with your life, that makes you feel even more alive. You just cannot spot that "thing." I get it. Sometimes, this searching is frustrating. Do not worry, your "thing" will come.

• // This year set me off with a quote that was so much more important for my life than I had ever intended. In January, I left for a retreat immediately before starting nursing school, thinking the entire weekend that I picked the wrong field. At this point, I had not told anyone that I was reconsidering nursing. However, in one of the evening sessions at this retreat, the speaker loudly and sternly uttered the phrase, "You are not your major, Your identity is not your major, and if you do not graduate with your selected degree, it does not change who you are." This resonated in my bones. I spent so long telling myself that I had to be a nurse because I had already been accepted into the program. For many, this is you. You may have been accepted into your program and dread what you do, or you have worked in your field for years and see a calling to go back to school and begin a new profession. Might I say that whether you have changed your career or your college track, your identity remains the same.

• // I have spent a lot of time recently talking to students and professionals changing course. Almost every time, I have seen individuals spiraling trying to figure out what is next, as have I. Just a few weeks ago, I sat at the pool with a sweet friend of mine saying "I just do not know what is next for my life, I do not know who I want to be or what I want to do." To which she answered, "I think it's okay to not know." What I have learned from all of this is to act justly, seek mercy, and walk humbly with the Lord.

• // In the last few weeks, Jesus has really reminded me that He cares a lot less about my decided career, and a lot more about my decided heart. Truthfully, who you are, matters so much more than the field you pick. Your job does not envelop who you were made to be; it can only reflect the gifts that God has given you. I have had to do some serious, obligatory soul searching, past the change from healthcare. My attitude and my character are so much more vital to my success than any degree could ever be. You see, I do not want my wealth to be in my bank account or in my educational accolades, but rather a store of treasure in heaven for the life that I lived. My hope is that I can show compassion and mercy to all people, grace, and love, to be remembered for how I made one person feel. If I have loved well, I have done everything that I ever needed to do, because the greatest of these is love. 

• // A ministry leader of mine once said, finding God's will is not like shooting an arrow onto a bullseye. Often, God's will is the entire target, and you only need to hit the board. To find your calling, be a little less concerned with doing exactly every single thing Jesus wants you to do, and be more concerned with loving Him deeply and loving His people endlessly. In this place, I think that is where Christ shows you what you were meant to do on this earth. Do not always expect a clean answer either. Sometimes, your steps forward look like they are trekking into a maze; focus on the area of the ground that Jesus is lighting right now. 

• // Be patient with yourself, and try a few things that seem interesting to you. If this year has taught me anything, it is that you really do have to try some things before you can ever know what you think about it. Allow yourself the opportunity to dislike some things, but give yourself the freedom to love some things that you may have never expected to find yourself doing; you can experiment.

• // Take away this: who you are matters far beyond the galaxies in comparison to the occupational direction you select. Choose love, always.

Plowing the Ground

• // We often say, a seed is planted, reaped, and finally harvested. How similarly we could look at our lives this way. A dream is planted in us, raised up, and seen to fruition. What about the ground this lies on? Of course, the parable says some seed lands on rocky ground, others land on thorns, some lay on flat lands, but still some land on good ground. The seed sprouted into good ground grows to bear healthy fruit and a lively plant.

• // Growing up in a farming community taught me a lot about the land and how viable the climate of Arizona is for many kinds of produce. I remember watching in the hot summer air, MANY tractors that plough through the dirt to mix fertilizer and break up firm dirt collections beneath the surface so that roots can grow deeply into the soil. Plowing is essential for the health of a field in order to create lasting harvests. Necessary nitrogen stores within fertilizers are mixed together with the dirt for plants to take in important nutrients from the soil as well as adding an increased oxygen supply to the plant bed. Truly, plowing allows harvesting to remain sustainable.

• // I recently considered this in my own life. I was a student that quickly changed career direction. I realized my college trajectory was not the field that I believed was for me. Unfortunately, this sudden change caused a lot of confusion in my own life and I felt a wandering, praying for a clear direction and wanting to harvest the fruits of studying faithfully and working diligently in my schooling.

• // I started to notice a "plowing of the fields." I wanted to see the fruit, but fields in my life needed to be reworked. Jesus reassured my heart that it was not ready for the seed. I have seen over and over again, the living space that feels like the wasteland. You know, when you wonder where your life is headed and you go through the motions, hoping that you will figure out where you need to be next. Should you move? Should you change careers? Should you go to school or go back to school? This is the rut. Or, we like to think so. We seem to think that doing the opposite of what we have done, will somehow fix the searching. Some people call this place the mid-life crisis, and if you are my age, the quarter-life crisis. You feel no movement forward. As I type this, I am inclined to put this verse, as an anchor of hope for you. 

"Take courage, my soul! Do you remember those times (but how could you ever forget them!) when you led a great procession to the Temple on festival days, singing with joy, praising the Lord? Why then be downcast? Why be discouraged and sad? Hope in God! I shall yet praise him again. Yes, I shall again praise him for his help." Psalm 42:4-5

• // Let me encourage you, because I believe that God is so much more intentional with our lives than we could imagine. God's silence to you is not a wrath against you; He removed a shadowing of Himself when He tore the veil on the cross and has promised that in your drawing near to Him, He will draw nearer to you. Is it probable that the silence you think you experience is really the tossing and turning of your fields? God can plough the grounds of our life so that we can accept the seed of the next season. Maybe, the foundation that you stand on needs to be softened and replenished for the harvest that He is making. 

• // I love the saying from a mentor of mine, "hard things are hard." Life is hard. Life is really, really hard. Sometimes, life knocks you upside down and Christ just needs to rework the ground we live on for a healthy growing space made for the prize that is next. Your "now" is not a waste of time and every chapter of your life will prepare you for the next. Do not waste the sentence you are on right now, because it could be laying the framework for something much bigger than you. I beg you, do not waste waiting and do not buy the lie that somehow it is pointless. You are being molded for your God-given purpose and you are seen right now. "So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

Building Confidence Workshop

• // Shut up and get up. Stop talking about the hope to be someone you are not. Stop thinking that one day you might finally feel more confident or bold or noticed. You are now; let's tone this out. You have some confidence muscles that you need to workout, because right now you are running on an endless strip that holds you in the same place every time you think about becoming a more confident you.
• // Finding confidence means choosing occasionally uncomfortable winding roads. Building your confidence starts with this:

1. Find your comfort zone. Send it out further one inch until you have pushed it to an unimaginable boundary. This advice was given to me by a speech coach that will have forever changed my life and perspective. What is your comfort zone? Perhaps, your area of expertise lies in a group of four people living under community. Maybe, your gift is leading worship on a stage, or dancing in a room full of children. Identify the place that you can excel and champion yourself to move outside of that. Confident people have simply extended their range of comfort and continuously stretch beyond. My journey began very similarly. I was always terrified of people, never wanting to communicate and engage with any one person that dared to attempt a conversation with me. As I got older and began my public school journey, I made a promise to myself that I would grow confidence, believing in myself to make a place of purpose from a God-given strength. Truly, I can say that God gave me a divine vigor to speak; I was horrified at the thought of connecting. I noticed then that I tapped into leadership skills which propelled me forward to lead small groups, bible studies, and eventually bigger speaking opportunities at conferences. God anointed my words like He does any gift used for His glory. As an elementary age girl, I can almost guarantee that no leader of mine would ever believe that I would speak from a stage. This is the transformative power of Christ and effective influence of positive circles surrounding you.

2. Set your goals. Do you want to lead? Do you want to influence more people? Do you want to refine your communication skills to be more effective? Decide on a clear direction to channel your energy in order to meet the confidence cornerstone you are aiming for, do not walk blindly, or you will be led by something else.

3. Just do it. No, I swear I am not promoting any company. But for real, act. Stop talking and start doing. You will never build your confidence until you do what scares you and see that you were able to do it. Think about this like any skill you had to acquire as a child, riding a bike or swimming. You never learned until you were forced to do it, and you adapted because we are a resilient people. God made us this way. I am reminded of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. These Hebrew men were thrown into a furnace for the refusal of bowing to a king. These men were faithful to their creator and their creator was faithful to them. They were not swallowed by the fire, even though the king's forces experienced the opposite. God protected them amidst impossible odds. Jesus is a king of impossibility and can do what we cannot, only to do it again. These men were resilient under the fire because the Savior gave them a power against it. Find ten seconds of crazy courage to say yes to the things that scare you and just do it. I wish I had genius words to tell you about building your confidence, but it really is a simple choice.

4. Keep doing it. You will only build confidence when you give yourself another chance to change what went wrong the first time. I heard a quote that once said, "Repetition is the mother of skill." Your skill? Confidence. Do it over again until you can walk in calmly trusting that you own the room you exist within. I do not mean owning the room with a selfish pride or arrogance, owning the room means an entrance with humility that you have been graced an opportunity to influence other people.

5. You have never arrived. The most confident people that I know refuse to buy the lie that they somehow "made it" and hold no more room to grow. The truth is, you are never done. Remember, you are extending your comfort zone, and we live in an ever-expanding universe. There will always be a place to push further; be teachable and love correction. Read more books about the topic that you want to succeed in, listen to the professionals in that area, and believe that your knowledge can keep developing

• // Harnessing confidence opens incredible doors throughout your life. Interactions change, mindsets change, and you WILL see an increased ability for you to reach your goals. You were given a name and an identity, there is no reason to feel anything less than capable. Seek, knock, and the door will be opened, according to His purpose. "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33

Blog Launch

• / / I have spent hours thinking about finding a creative outlet to share my heart about all things lifestyle. I have considered podcasts, blogs, vlogs, journalism, and so many other “influencer” options. So here she is, a blog to share my thoughts about what God is teaching me, who God is using in my life, and hopefully a place to encourage you to understand who you were made to be. You have been created with a purpose. You are not an accident, and your story matters. 

• / / We all live through the “in-between” and in fact, we’re living there right now. The “in-between” that is life are the beautiful moments of finally reaching a goal or the gut-wrenching conversations that make your stomach turn even thinking about them. But your life, was not a mistake, and every mountain top or valley low moment you have was given to you with purpose. Your reactions to these seasons have defined the character you have chosen to hold. We are not done, though. At least as long as we are here, we have never finished. That is enough of that, I did not want a lengthy first post. I just wanted to tell you about an exciting dream that I have had in my heart. So cheers! Cheers to a new adventure, who knows where it will lead, and I pray that you can be encouraged to find your best self in this process.