Let Go, Live Well

• // Forgiveness is a "Christian-ese" word, and more often than not, is only talked about at the end of resolution. Forgiveness is always a story that is told from a place of finishing, rather than practicing. Since my junior year of high school, Jesus has really reworked my concept of forgiveness and my ability to exercise it. First, several points need to be mentioned. Such an incredible quote that was mentioned to me is this: "We are not an advertisement of Jesus; we're supposed to be evidence." Remember, forgiveness, or what I view as the greatest act of love, is the most powerful testament to the redemptive powers of Christ. 

• // My prayer is that you would find comfort in knowing that forgiveness is a process. There is rarely an "arrival moment" that forgiveness is achieved suddenly; instead, forgiveness looks a lot more like a gradual change in heart. One day, you will look back and remind yourself that the intense anger or pain that you once felt, creeps a little less over your shoulder, until it exists no longer in the hiding place of your heart. What does forgiveness look like? I asked my youth pastor this question several years ago, to which he explained that some days will wreck your mind to feel only the pain, yet you speak forgiveness over that person or thing until your spirit has reached that place. Truly, I have noticed that forgiveness is made up of days that full release happens, while other days, I pray the exact thing over again, hoping to grapple at the same peace I felt before. I know it seems silly, but some days are better than others, and we have to be okay with that. 

• // Sometimes forgiveness does mean that a conversation needs to happen with that person. If that is the case, please do not make your forgiveness contingent upon their response, this is a set up for disappointment. The proper response does not need to be given or you will hold yourself in the prison of un-forgiveness, forever. Dale Carnegie teaches an important message that the most effective route of change is not found by seeking to change other people, rather we must change ourselves to really influence the sphere around us. The most impactful change that we can make, is that of ourselves. We can never control another person. In order to make the space a place where forgiveness can live, we cannot wait around for the reaction we were hoping to see from someone, this is not true forgiveness. This concept reminds me of the "square-circle" toddler toys. I am sure you have seen them. The toy is jam-packed with different shapes and blocks to match these shapes; the intention is to teach children how to identity shapes and match them appropriately. Although, I think I have more often seen kids smash the square into the circle and end up frustrated, every time. You might have innocent intentions to teach someone about the depth of hurt they inflicted, but instead you are really making yourself angry by shoving a square into a circle that will never fit. Regardless of someone's "owning" of fault, your forgiveness is still important and valuable.

• // Finally, environments need to be conducive to forgiveness. In my journey of learning forgiveness, I found that some relationships needed space between them, activities needed a pause, and plans were held off, because the atmosphere bred more resentment. I was never able to walk in forgiveness until I had removed myself from an environment that reminded me of pain. Clarity can do so much to aid your forgiveness journey. 

• // Forgiveness can take a day, a year, or even decades. You may lay down a part of hurt and find another place of un-forgiveness that needs to be reworked. Do not give up on it, change will come to your heart as you seek it. Forgiveness is so simple and so hard. Every day you can choose to lay down anger and say that you forgive someone or something; or, you can hold onto it. No person can choose forgiveness for you. Give yourself time for this process, and watch for the way it heals you.  

Mental Health - Anxiety, Depression, OCD, PTSD . . .

• // Anxiety. Generalized Anxiety. Social Anxiety. Depression. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am sure you have heard at least one of these words in your lifetime, and many others of the like. Mental health is a buzz phrase right now, or at least it seems. As a 20-year-old in current society, I have grown up surrounded by these phrases, and I feel so burdened to encourage you and bring up a discussion about these topics, that I believe are so important. 

• // Most often in discussing anything about these topics, I generally hear phrases like, "I have no choice," "I feel out of place," "I do not have confidence," and "I feel crippled when I feel anxious." To be fair, most people that have never suffered from mental health issues like anxiety often say, "They have a choice to be victimized," "They should start realizing nobody fits perfectly anywhere," "They need to get over the anxiety/depression/PTSD/fill in the blank." Truthfully, both sides have a point. To the person who has never suffered from a crippling mental health issue, you have got to understand that these are real, tangible, life-changing problems that live actively within the individual. To the person with a mental health problem, I would agree that you do not have a choice, and in most cases, I find that people with these problems, live their entire life with them. However, you have a choice to never remedy it, or grow beyond it. 

• // We need to elaborate on these sides. If you have never fought a serious mental health issue, stop believing you fully understand the pain and suffering caused by specific disorders. This was me. I found it easy to be irritated or annoyed with someone and their mental health, or lack of it. Often, we are noticed stepping into the role of God, assuming that we understand the profound strength of something like depression. You do not, and you cannot, without some divine insight. Ask for understanding from someone fighting this battle, but do not question with the intention to argue, question with the intention to understand and support. 

• // If you are the fighter, I see that you are at war. Every day is a battle, and some days, the enemy decided against attacking, while others feel like a bloody massacre of your emotions and abilities. You feel drained, derailed, and defined by the mental health problem. I believe that your problem is real and your feelings are valid. I want to remind you, though you feel controlled, you do have a choice to be enslaved forever or seek some freedom. You are not helpless and your life does not and should not stay in a place of imprisonment. I pray that this is encouraging. There is more that you can do.

• // Recently, an article sparked some thought into my head. The article talked about mental health problems and the perspective from the fighter. At one point, it mentioned sicknesses like cancer or individuals with ailments like a broken leg. The post went on to say that we never expect someone with cancer to just "get over it" and move on, or walk around on the broken leg. I agree, we do not. From this same spirit, I want to remind you that we also do not prescribe going home and hoping the bones heal, or relaxing on hard days when the cancer pains us, then getting up and going out when the cancer pains subside.  We use devices like braces and treatments like chemotherapy, in order to take an active stance against the sicknesses that plague us. Otherwise, we would never even have a fighting chance against these horrible things. Eventually, the doctors will tell you to see physical therapy and exercise the thing that was immobilized periodically. The very act of stretching and moving this body part, is the exact thing that heals us further. Sure, we might see some lifelong effects from a treatment like chemotherapy, and the reminder of cancer may never leave us fully, because we have some side effects that stay planted, but we cannot choose to allow these things to eat us up alive, without ever even lifting a finger to shut them out. To avoid remedy, constitutes victimization to an otherwise alleviated problem.   

• // Depression, anxiety, OCD, manic, and others, may be a lifelong battle, but please act. Go to a counselor and search out the remedies. A massively important treatment for anxiety is a mental placement in the "now." Notice what is around you, smell what is around you, feel what is around you. Do not allow the toxic path of worrying about the next thing or the social event, overwhelm your peace. Claim your peace. Perhaps, you fail. But at least you started. Flexibility begins with the decision to experiment and work towards an end, not beginning with the end.  Although, we are generally too impatient to wait for the results, you can build your patience and your tolerance. 

• // Get real with yourself. Mental health problems seem to be this weird space warp, leading you to infer that a problem does not actually exist. In some cases, the problem feels unexplainably confusing. If you suspect that you have a mental health problem, still, see a professional, figure out what is attacking you, to find a weapon against it. Do you know that you have a problem and have downplayed? Again, see a professional. Nobody is outside of seeing a counselor at some point in their life, and everybody should want to work for the best version of themselves. Do not self-medicate; alcohol is not the numbing that you need, prescription medication is not always the drowning help, isolation is not the quick fix, and inspirational quotes are not always a real solution in the long-term, rather, aids to determine the appropriate routines that you must implement for sustainable change and resistance. 

• // I found myself slipping into a low place away from mental health. I thought counseling was only for the weak. I sure was wrong. Counseling allowed me to understand myself in a new way, while giving me words to finally explain what I felt inside of my head. Therapy has given me an outlet to become the best version of myself, in the journey of self-discovery. The hardest part is the phone call, make it. Call a friend to be there with you, have them call for you. Please, call.

• // Be surrounded. You do not have to vent your feelings everywhere, but find a safe group of people that you can go to on the hard days. Everything gets easier when we finally talk about it. You are not weak for talking about your struggles. Let friends prayerfully speak into your life and walk the road with you.

• // Lastly, the best thing that anyone has ever told me about the guidance a professional gave, was that solutions which affect everyone around you are useless and ineffective, rather, seek out the things that give you peace, without compromising all of your friendships and relationships. If your solution to the problem affects the many others that live in your bubble, you have got to change it. 

• // God is still a miracle-working God. Jesus is still currently changing lives and interceding on our behalf. Please, listen to what His word says. Ask, seek, knock, and the door will be opened to you. Give everything up to Him in prayer and petition. Seek first His kingdom, and all things will be added unto you. God can change your circumstances and wipe out the mental health issue that has swarmed you. Some of you, may find His intercession as one that is constant and covering always, because the symptoms persist. Some of you, may find that Jesus heals you instantly, once and for all. However His healing exists in the story of you, it cannot change His goodness or faithfulness. The Lord will never leave you or forsake you.